look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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