yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
