We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
