She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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