Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
