Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
