...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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