If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
