he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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