it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
