Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No subtext here. People are naked.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
