Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i jhust puked up my retainher.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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