True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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