remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
