I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
