some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
