hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
