The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
