You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
