kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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