I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
