You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
