dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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