I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
