found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she looked like the before picture.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
