my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
