if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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