Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
