remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
