Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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