If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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