alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
