O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
