After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I enjoy the company of your penis
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