My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
