I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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