hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
