Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
