weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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