So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
