He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
