That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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