When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
