I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
