Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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