Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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