Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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