He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
