So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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