Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need a beard to bite.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
