Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
