if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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