Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
