your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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